Most people struggle with self-worth at some point in their lives. When you feel bad about yourself it can have a massive impact. Feeling under confident and invalid, people with low self-esteem often struggle to feel happy. They are more likely to falsely sense disapproval and rejection from others. Coaching is a great way to unearth the underlying reason a person’s self-worth is being compromised and empower them to feel better and move forwards in life.
Find a coach who resonates with you
When you’re feeling low and under confident, deciding to try coaching is brave a step, but it could just change your life! It’s hard to open up to someone, especially when feeling vulnerable. It’s therefore important to find someone you can work with and who really speaks to you. Lisa found me online through a recommendation. My website is the hub of everything I do so I aim to be as transparent and informative as I can so people get a good feel for me. Luckily it spoke to Lisa and she decided we should work together.
‘I’d tried years of therapy and it helped a bit in the now but it didn’t make me go any further. I figured coaching would help with going forwards.
Emma’s website really resonated with me. I thought: ‘you’re for me!’, and I got in touch.
It’s always a bit nerve wracking opening yourself up to someone new. Emma’s reviews were great and I had a really good feeling about her. When we had a brief chat we really hit it off. I got the feeling I could trust her. I’ve always thought we’re a good fit.’
Age milestones and low self esteem
Sometimes you don’t realise how low you’ve got, then something happens and you reevaluate everything. Age milestones can trigger some really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, especially when you feel you’re not important. Coaching can really dig deep to unpick why you feel this way. Most people lead a life they want to feel proud of, but negative self-perception can mask this.
‘I turned 40 last year, so was slap bang in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I’ve always been on the outside a very noisy, confident, probably a bit of an in your face kind of person but that was the mask I put on when I left the house. When I got home I felt massively insecure. I doubted everything that came out of my mouth. I had no real self-confidence and I didn’t feel very valid or that I was being taken seriously or listened to so therefore I didn’t feel important enough. I was really struggling with that. It was impacting on other areas of my life and I was self-employed. If you have a bad self-image it really doesn’t help with pushing your business forwards. It was all coming to a bit of a head.’
Changing self-perception by re-framing thoughts and feelings…
Working with a coach is a great way to reevaluate how certain things make you feel. Lots of things in life will trigger you, but you can control how you respond to this, and can re-frame almost anything. My sessions give good practice of changing how you perceive the world around you and yourself.
‘During our Skype sessions Emma would have me physically moving around and out of my space while I talked to her. It sounds silly but it helped me understand different perspectives. Emma would give me a scenario and then get me to stand near objects and describe how they made me feel. I would then stand near something else to compare. I soon realised the situation was always going to be the same but it was how and where I stood and looked at it that I got my perspective. This helped me deal with thing better.’
Changing the way you talk to yourself
Critical self-talk can be very damaging and you probably don’t know you’re doing it. We impose our own expectations and also the expectations of others on ourselves. While it’s good to evaluate how things are going and where you are and would like to be, the danger comes when your critical voice is not constructive. We can often forget all the great things we do and our successes every day and focus on the things that go wrong. Coaching is a great way to readjust what you tell yourself so you can take pride in who you are. Remember, if you feel like you’re struggling, It’s OK to ask for help rather than piling pressure on yourself.
‘We did affirmations I had to tell myself I was worthy, I was fabulous, I was good at my job, I was loved, I was enough. It was hard. Emma also got me asking people for help which is not something I do.
I cried a lot more than I thought I would. I realised through all of this I wasn’t giving myself permission to be who I wanted. I was being a version of what my Mum wanted, who my partner wanted, or my clients wanted me to be. I realised I hadn’t figured out who I wanted to be. When I figured it out I didn’t know if that version of me would be allowed. Emma made me realise it was.’
Coaching is a great way to discover your truth
When riddled with self-doubt it’s sometimes difficult to have the perspective to understand what’s wrong and what is making you feel so stuck. Rather than completely letting the client come to their own conclusions, a coach picks up on signs the client is giving off by listening, observing, pointing out body language and words and phrases helping you to unifying the underlying cause.
‘Therapists tend to get you to come to the answers, whereas Emma gives you a bit more nudging. She could almost second guess what I was trying to say so she asked me the questions in a better way to not just get yes or no answers. She made me really think about my answers which in turn got me good results. She’s just very intuitive, got loads of empathy and can really read me. Because we were doing Skype I would pull a face and she’d say: ‘what’s that face?’ or ‘what’s that shrug?’. She could literally read me and her intuition is her gift!’
Offloading in a safe space to feel lighter
One of the huge benefits of coaching is the release it gives you. Offloading worries and working on feelings can be exhausting in the short term, but ultimately you’ll feel lighter and free up head space for other things. Often my clients tell me they hate me, but they love me too! What they really mean is I made them uncomfortable, but this is done in a controlled way and I can always dial it back if someone isn’t ready to confront things, this is where my extensive training comes in. Coaching sessions with me are a safe space to explore deep seated thoughts and feelings without judgement, to help you find ways to resolve them, overcome them and feel happier.
‘Before the sessions I’d feel anxious, nervous and worried about what might come out. Emma has this habit of tapping into you and things come out that you don’t even know were there.
On some days I didn’t want to talk to her. I’d tell her I hate her and she’d say: ‘yeah alright!’, but overall I knew she was a safe space. Nothing was ever wrong even if it wasn’t the most productive thing to say but I never felt judged. She felt like a safety blanket. I could go in there, say all I needed to say, have a good cry, have a good giggle
After the sessions I’d always have a cup of tea, something nice to eat and go to bed because my brain was so scrambled. I’d then wake up the next day and feel a release and like everything had reset itself while I was asleep.
I’d always sleep really well after our sessions. About 24 hours later I’d feel a lot more ordered in my head.’
Accepting yourself and putting boundaries in place
Finally, being at peace with yourself after a long time of feeling low can be a revelation. Coaching gives you permission to finally be happy with yourself and have the confidence to deal with life on your terms.
‘I finally feel like I’m valid. I feel like my opinions, my thoughts whether other people agree with them or not are mine and I therefore believe they’re worth being listened to. I’m not someone who conforms. I have a wacky dress sense but I’ve realised that not conforming is alright. Being who I am is alright and the right people will be attracted and if they’re not for me then they won’t be and that’s alright.
I’ve also learned to put boundaries in place. I was such a yes person and people pleaser. I felt OK in the moment but when it came to doing the thing I’d promised I’d feel rubbish. Emma made me realise I could say no and I’d feel bad but later I’d feel better. The sky wouldn’t fall in because I’d said no.’
The impact of coaching on work life
The beauty of coaching is it fits around your work life and has a positive impact on what you do. It’s not necessary to be in the same room to have successful coaching sessions. In fact I only work remotely, via the phone, Zoom and Skype, it works really well and my clients love it, working this way saves time and is more convenient for my clients and means I can work with people wherever they or I am in the world! I don’t even know what some of my clients look like!
Having that distance also puts the client a bit more at ease, yet I can physically see them and pick up on audio and visual cues, if they choose video calls, although many clients opt to not have the video on, however because I pick up on so much, they often think I can see them. Whatever they choose, my clients always have my full attention.
Feeling good about yourself is important for work as well as your personal life. Self-esteem is very important to succeed at work, especially when self-employed.
‘I enjoyed doing Skype rather than in person because it’s not always practical to meet up but Emma could still see my reactions. Although I didn’t like it at the time it turned out be a good thing. When Emma is with you, she’s very present and not distracted. You are literally her whole focus the whole time. You never feel like you’re asking too much of her or being a hindrance. It was really nice. I’ve been to other therapists who are tapping their pen or watching the clock.
Coaching has helped my business. In my work environment we share a lot as many of my clients are long standing so you end up knowing a lot about each other. My clients definitely noticed after the coaching sessions that I was happier and more like myself again. People don’t want to come and see a grumpy person so coaching has definitely helped my business. I’ve felt more fired up and enthusiastic about everything which has impacted on my work.’
More from Lisa…
‘Emma is a Godsend. She’s helped me do a lot of work on my perspective, boundaries and self-worth, making me realise I’m good enough and deserve to be treated as such. She’s helped me delve around into the dark bits and made me laugh and cry along the way.
She helps you find your way back to you and holds your hand while you do it. I think this is what everybody needs. If I get myself in a state I Imagine, what would Emma say. This really impacts on my thinking. She does exactly what she sets out too and I love her and hate her in equal measure.
Coaching has made me feel a lot freer. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and everyone’s opinions were dragging me down and now I feel like I’ve pinged back up and emerged as myself again.
I’ll always keep Emma as a coach, she can’t get rid of me. She’s worth every penny. I’d urge anyone who gets a good feel for her to give it a go.’.
If you’re feeling low, under confident and you’re not sure why, do get in touch on 07956 679967, firstname.lastname@example.org or book yourself a free 10 minute call or 30 minute introductory session for more information on how coaching could help you!