From self-doubt to self-belief: how 60-year-old Sue transformed her life in just 6 coaching sessions
Sue’s journey began at a crossroads. Having relocated to help care for her grandchildren, she was confused about what she wanted. After finding me online, Sue’s son and daughter-in law could see how I’d helped women just like Sue break old patterns and make big changes. After a successful taster session and Sue’s agreement, they gifted her six sessions for her 60th birthday.
After a life of people pleasing Sue at last put her own needs first
After her first session Sue was delighted with how quickly her life changed for the better. Coaching isn’t telling someone how to live or what to do, it’s more about giving them the space and permission to decide for themselves.
‘I really had never spent any time thinking about what I wanted or doing what I wanted. Coming to grips with it was so difficult because I just didn’t have any practice at doing that.’
Through coaching Sue learnt how to give herself the time and attention she greatly needed. She got clear on what she wanted and what needed to change to improve her life.
From feeling disconnected to taking action and making new friends
Sue craved a more active social life but was struggling to take the action needed to meet new people. We therefore set small achievable goals and I checked in each session to provide accountability.
‘I’m quite sociable, that wasn’t really the problem, it was coming to grips with actually booking it and doing it. Emma would ask me each time what I’d have done by the next session. And I think that’s clever, especially for somebody like me, because if I say I’m going to do it, I will!’
During our sessions Sue became more confident and assertive. She bought memberships to the local theatre and the RSPB to give her the excuse to see shows and go on nice walks. All of which led to her forming lovely new connections with like-minded people.
Digging beyond childhood trauma and finding compassion for herself
Early on in our sessions it became clear how childhood trauma was affecting Sue. Trauma can lower self-esteem and cause negative self-talk. By providing a safe, compassionate coaching space, we gently confronted the past.
‘I had dealt with a lot of it, but I hadn’t been careful enough to not give myself a hard time. I think that’s one of the things that happens to people like me. I always judge myself the hardest, and Emma has been so instrumental in helping me to see that I’m doing that and to stop doing it, which turns your whole life around.’
With her new found self-awareness, Sue enjoys a kinder, gentler relationship with herself. This makes it easier to move forwards with her life.
Putting anxiety in its place to become a more confident driver
Negative self-talk was also affecting Sue’s driving. She had a wealth of experience but was struggling to relax while navigating and driving her grandchildren in her new location. Coaching allowed her to develop positive self-talk and rediscover confidence in her own skills.
‘Emma is very good at making you aware of how often you’re unkind to yourself. And that was a big one for me. She said to me, ‘you’re not silly for feeling it, and you’re not stupid, and so feel it, that’s what you feel.’
I invited Sue to use some positive affirmations to help her reframe how she was feeling, some clients like to use the word try, however I prefer ‘attempt’ or ‘commit to’.
‘When you get in the car, say to yourself, I’m a good driver. Be careful. Look where you’re going, but try talking to yourself and just say, I can do this. I know I can do it. I know it’s okay. It’s just anxiety.’
In a very short while most of the anxiety went. With her nervousness behind her, Sue now enjoys more precious time out with her grandchildren with less doubt about her ability to get them from A to B.
Sue now believes in herself, celebrates her wins and no longer puts herself
down
During challenging times, it’s easy to forget how far we’ve come. Sometimes it takes someone else to draw attention to positive aspects of who we are.
‘Emma makes you feel that she sees you and therefore helps you to see yourself and be more positive. She’s said lovely things to me and real things. She said, dealing with your stuff to the extent you have is incredible. A lot of people don’t. A lot of people are not self-aware’.
Sue had already shown great strength and resilience. Coaching helped her realise this so she could reframe her new life goals as achievable and well within her grasp.
After 18 exhausting years as childminder, Sue proved it’s never too late to start afresh
Despite having a particular talent for taking care of kids, her work had left her physically and emotionally depleted. During coaching we recognised the value of her skills and experience. We also visualised a contract to herself of what she needed in her work life to be like, to feel happy and content.
‘I think it gave me confidence in myself, so you feel you’ve got better boundaries. I think it’s put me in a better place within myself, a sturdier place, a place where I have more faith in myself.’
With a better understanding of her work needs, Sue felt empowered to change tack entirely. She began an exciting new role as a cook and the kitchen manager at her son’s bar/restaurant. Being on hand to help him grow his business gave her work life newfound purpose and a new lease of life.
If you’re a woman in your 50s/60s, here’s Sue’s advice…
‘What I loved most about working with Emma was the affirmation of me. Why wouldn’t you want to speak to someone who’s totally on your side, who helps you to collate your thoughts and put them together, who helps you to see what you want to achieve in your life.
Emma’s been so supportive, understanding and so open to all the things that were inside me. I never felt challenged telling Emma what was going on. I never had to lie to her. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you want to do or if it’s completely different from me. Because of how Emma works, she’s going to be able to help you know yourself.’
