I would like you to take a minute to think about the questions above and see what your instinct says to you before reading on. The thing is, in society today, emotions are not widely seen or experienced, life seems to be lived within a very narrow emotional range. What I am interested in is the reason behind that. Could it be a British thing, the stiff upper lip and so on, or is it something we accept the world over?
From my experience both personally and as a coach, I believe living and experiencing all kinds of emotions is a really good thing, in fact I feel that it is essential and healthy to do so. However, one thing I notice a lot when coaching people is that my clients are not used to really experiencing their emotions and certainly not expressing them. I am often met with a throw away phrase such as ‘I am ok’, ‘It’s just one of those things’, ‘I will be fine’, what do these comments really mean? What would it be like to say ‘I am really upset about that situation’, ‘I am feeling so angry right now’ or ‘I am so happy and excited about this’?
When I ask my clients to really check in with how they really feel and what is happening for them at that moment, at first it feels very unnatural to them and uncomfortable even. However, when they become more used to it, it turns into a release, as gift, permission to live life more fully.
For example, how many of us have received some upsetting news and although mostly we are ok and going about our business pretty much as usual, keeping up appearances for those around us? We have this build-up of emotion inside us, which we would like to release, but feel anxious that people will not accept us if we do, or will make judgements. In fact a lot of the time we judge ourselves, we have to be strong; we cannot cry or say we are struggling, what will people say? Mental health and wellbeing is in the news a lot at the moment and one of the things we can do to support our mental health is to be able to release these supressed emotions, to seek help and support from those around us, sometimes it may be from friends and family, sometimes counselling and for others it is getting the right coach.
As a coach, I am very comfortable with being with my own and others emotions, but what I realised was that some people are not so comfortable. I notice a shift in them, they withdraw or they want the emotion to stop, they try and fix the situation, this can make you feel like it is wrong to show emotions, especially when you are already feeling vulnerable. What is important to remember is that of course it is fine to feel and express emotions, to be real, it is perfectly normal and healthy to do so and it certainly is not wrong, but of course there is a time and a place. The reason people react this way is because it evokes something in them, they are not comfortable being with emotion, whether that be their own or others. This makes it easy for them to judge and to see it as a weakness. They want to fix it, because it is their way of helping and making the emotion go away, but remember just because someone else wants to fix you; it does not mean you are broken!
From my coaching background and experience I feel that it is not only healthy, but a great strength to be comfortable in sharing your emotions. By doing so we give others permission to do the same and what greater gift can we give someone, than the space to be fully themselves and to be accepted. In contrast, my clients tell me that me being so real was something which attracted them to me as a coach and being authentic and acting with integrity is really important to me.
Until next time,
Emma
