29 years – some trauma never leaves us

Although some trauma never leaves us, we can choose how to move forwards, this is for all of us who live with the impact of trauma which was done to us when we had no say or choice, it wasn’t created by us, yet we get to choose how we respond to it

Today marks 29 years since I was made homeless as a vulnerable young 16 year old through no fault of my own, in some ways it was a blessing, because being at home was an awful place to be, it was an incredibly abusive and harmful environment, however the experiences I had following that were also harmful, just in a different way.  I talk about this from time to time publicly at a surface level, sharing parts of my story, not to make it about me, but because it is important that I use my voice to support others, so they do not feel alone, because if we don’t talk about it, we cannot connect with others and I know what it is like to feel alone with this kind of thing, and it can be incredibly painful.  I also have many clients who are drawn to working with me, because they identify with my story.

The thing is when people meet me, they see a strong independent, successful woman who is confident, brave, courageous and adventurous. And I am all of those things… in fact I am currently writing this in India… yet I am also someone who is sensitive, who has a deep empathy you can only acquire through overcoming challenges and trauma, and on occasions the scared little girl who never received love shows up, it happens less and less now, and yet it still happens, because this is part of who I am, I also know the importance of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, yet I know it can still be so incredibly difficult, especially when those feelings have not been honoured in the past, however this is also the only way to form deep meaningful connections with others.  This may sound familiar to you, because I know now, that I am not alone in this.

We live in a world where wearing a mask and putting on a brave face is celebrated, and being real and true to ourselves, allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, to process them and to make sense of them, is seen as self-indulgent or unnecessary and this needs to change. 

I will continue to strive to bring about change, to be a part of creating a world where being brave and courageous and working through our challenges and overcoming them, processing our feelings and emotions and making sense of them, finding ways forward which don’t cause ourselves and those around us harm, is a positive thing, something to be admired and encouraged, because I can tell you that although it is not easy, if you are being supported by the right person it is worth it and we can start to live happier more fulfilled lives.

I was chatting with a lovely Italian lady yesterday, we were sharing some of our stories and connecting, because this kind of travel does this to people, and India does this to people, living from the heart and being open.  She couldn’t believe what I told her, and it was only a little of my story, and she was amazed that I could still have love and kindness in my heart and radiate that energy, which was a lovely thing for her to say and something I appreciate.

I  can do this partly because it is the essence of who I am, and I have also worked hard to get to this place, using the tools I have gained through my training and my studies and from working with my own coach, to recognise and change behaviours which no longer serve me, and realise despite the ways I have been treated, that I am worthy of love, something I couldn’t have said before as a result of the way people treated me.  I will always be committed to learning, to growing and to becoming the best version of me, I get it wrong sometimes, we all do, we are all human and all works in progress, and for this we must be kind to ourselves and show ourselves the grace and empathy we so freely give to others.

Many people go through extreme traumas and although each of our circumstances are unique to us, those traumas can affect us deeply, impacting how we feel about ourselves, our significant relationships, how we interact with those around us and our view of the world, yet we don’t often talk about them.  Society has taught us to push things down, hide them away and carry on regardless and that reaching out for help and support, whether from a trusted friend or family member, your GP, a charitable organisation or choosing to work privately with a trained professional like myself, is somehow a weakness, a failing, and again I say, this is total rubbish, it is the opposite, it is brave and courageous and when you find the right person to support you, it can be life changing.

Again, I am sharing this as part of my commitment to authenticity and integrity, and also to give others hope, those who are feeling lost, who feel there is no way to be different and there is no way to overcome painful experiences from the past, because it is possible, change can happen, if we commit to creating a different future, if we dare to look into those painful places, so we can find peace again in our hearts, knowing that there is a possible future where we write the story and are not simply passive bystanders in our own lives.